Chapter 2
My text banter with Jenna recovered after Halloween, but Shelby and I had a new source of stress. Opening day was almost upon us.
Shelby had hired two new bartenders, Jeremy and Sue, and one of the Firebird bartenders, Roxy, volunteered to transfer. We were sending Jeremy and Roxy to spend a week with Aaron while Sue and I ensured the bar was stocked for opening day, and I took care of the thousand additional tasks, including supervising the sign installation.
The bar's logo was a stylized line drawing of a man standing, his hands behind his back, his head replaced by a donkey's. That logo was to the left of the bar name on the main sign.
The version of the drawing on the menu was a little more detailed - a fairy was watching the man with interest, and below him was the name in cursive, "Bottom." I found that more amusing than Shelby did.
When Roxy and Jeremy returned, Christian, aka Erik the Red, accompanied them for our startup. I was pleased that it wasn't Kate, because I didn't want to spend a week giving her exuses, but was less so when Jenna told me she'd taken Friday afternoon off to show him around.
Saturday was the grand opening. It felt like a disaster with the number of problems and questions and the demands on our time, but Shelby assured me it was going well. The bartenders were learning their roles and the layouts of the taps and bottles, but sharing the experienced staff of Firebird was a huge plus. We'd only been able to add two craft beers on tap, and the consumption rate was double our estimates. We'd need to restock, and add more craft options as soon as we could. A hard cider on tap would be worthwhile, too, given the number of requests.
Of course, these woes and stresses were all management issues. The axe-throwing lanes were a huge success, and we received very few complaints about the beer or food. We didn't cook, we called in orders to the casual restaurant in the same block, and sent a runner when the food was ready. The arcade had used this method from its launch. The extra demand for opening night slowed pick up times a little, but not enough to cause problems.
Jenna didn't show until after eight, when her work shift ended, and I barely saw her, since Christian spent most of the evening showing her how to throw, his hands on her far more than I thought necessary. The opening day issues became something of a blessing, because they helped keep me from dwelling on my resentment. I had to find a better way to manage the side-effects of my crush on my straight friend, but the distraction sufficed for the evening.
By Sunday we'd managed to overcome most of the difficulties. I was pleased with how the team was coming together. Shelby was clearly delighted. We'd have to be open a few months before we could be certain that the venture was a success, but the start was more than promising.
Shelby and Daniel invited the staff for dinner on Monday. The bar was closed Mondays and Thursdays, so we didn't have to exclude anyone. I expected Jenna to be there, but apparently she was with Erik. I tried to hide my disappointment. I think Shelby sensed that something was wrong, but I really was pleased with the way everything had gelled over the weekend, and after a time I think I was successful in keeping my unwarranted resentment off my face.
There was no reason for me to be jealous. I knew that. Jenna was straight. Erik the Red was an attractive guy. She was between boyfriends. I should be happy for her. I would have been, if I could just get my stupid crush on her under control. Sooner or later I had to succeed in doing that, or I'd have to step back from my friendship with her, and I really didn't want for that to be necessary.
So I worked hard on praising Shelby's idea and everyone's effort, and accepting congratulations in turn. I did deserve a lot of the credit for the weekend. I knew I'd done a good job, especially being so young and having been such a complete neophyte when I'd started, only a few months earlier. Shelby had been a great teacher and motivator, but I'd put in the effort, and I was proud of the results.
That realization helped. I began to relax and enjoy the evening. We'd be back dealing with customers on Tuesday, and I was looking forward to it.
Eventually I'd be less hands-on. My job was to promote the bar, arrange parties, ensure that we got the best deals with distributors, manage costs, and facilitate the bar staff's work. It wasn't to change kegs and chase down the coaches. I even planned to work office hours rather than bar hours at some point. But for now, helping everyone through startup was exciting. That would have to be enough for me. If I could focus on the work, I could deal with my feelings for Jenna.
Except...
I'd returned home at ten. I'd driven to the restaurant, so I'd only had a single glass of wine. I didn't know whether the bar staff had continued on to party, but I'd had a stressful weekend and would be working again on the next day, so I didn't want to drink or stay up late.
By eleven I was asleep. So when my phone pinged at eleven fifteen, it woke me.
Jenna: "Are you still awake?"
Me: "Sure."
Yeah, I lied.
Jenna: "Can I come over? Ten minutes?"
Me: "Of course."
I didn't have a lot of time, so I slipped into my pajamas, then started to boil water for herbal tea, thinking that, as late as it was, it would be less harsh than black coffee.
The water had just started to bubble when there was a light rap on the door. I opened it, and Jenna stepped inside. I made a cup of lavender tea for each of us without comment, then led her to the couch. She seemed unusually reserved, so I began the conversation.
"You missed a good dinner."
"It was just for the bar staff," Jenna replied.
"I think Shelby would have liked you to be there," I said.
Jenna's gaze kept slipping over my pajamas. They were lightweight satin, in glossy black. I'd bought them on a whim, because they both were and were not my style. The top was a loose cami, but the back was wide weave lace, giving the illusion of being backless but for the lacy pattern. The pants were long, and the set could be worn as loungewear or pajamas, but couldn't quite be accused of being lingerie.
"You were asleep, weren't you?"
"Just barely," I admitted. "It was still early."
Jenna's eyes travelled over my pajamas again. She grinned. "So this is how you sleep?"
I shook my head, covering a yawn with my hand. "I put these on for you. Whatever the reason you wanted to see me, I was sure it wouldn't involve me being naked. Unfortunately." I caught another yawn. "'Scuse me. I'm not tired, but waking up even after only a minute or two leaves me yawning."
Jenna's eyes seemed a little unfocused. "I didn't really have a reason for coming over," she said. "Chris was going to want to come to my place. I didn't want him to, but I also didn't want him to feel I was slapping him down, especially after he'd paid for dinner. I told him I had to pick something up from you before work tomorrow." She shrugged. "It was a bad spur-of-the-moment lie. I could have probably used Shelby. She'd back up an excuse, but I didn't want her to grill me, and I knew you wouldn't judge."
"You woke me up," I said. "I think I'm allowed some judging. So things are going well with Erik, but not as well as he'd like?"
Jenna rolled her eyes at my use of the name. "Pretty much. I think he's pushing because we only have a few days. And maybe I'm resisting for the same reason, and I don't want to do long distance."
"Do we need wine?" I asked.
"Maybe one or two," Jenna agreed. "I don't have to be at work before ten. I can get an Uber home in an hour."
"I'll see what I can find," I said. I was pretty sure there was over half an opened bottle of cheap red in the fridge from a couple of weeks earlier. Being cold would probably improve the flavor
Stretching, I folded my arms together over my head before standing, Jenna's eyes widened at my movement.
After pouring us each a glass of wine, I returned to the sofa.
"So are you dating Erik, or aren't you?" I asked.
Jenna shook her head, chuckling. "I almost called him that once," she said, "and it's entirely your fault."
I raised my wine glass in salute, saying, "Insert Leonardo di Caprio meme."
She acknowledged my gesture with a sip, then said, "I don't think so. He's genuinely nice, but I don't feel anything. Though I wonder after the last few disasters whether anticipating problems is making it impossible for me to connect. Especially since..." she frowned, then corrected herself. "Especially recently. Not since the..." She paused and frowned, as if she wanted to say more, but gave a tiny shake of her head. "I have a decision to make at work, and it's messing with my head."
"What's that? I asked.
"One of our customers runs a small landscaping company. He's doing very well. He doesn't just get inventory from us, he asks my opinion on plant color, seasonal hardiness, how shrubs will look combined, that kind of thing. He says I have an eye for the finished design that he doesn't, and he wants to hire me. It would pay a little more, and be less physical effort, but I get great health insurance now. And I couldn't work with his customers directly unless I get certified, which means earning an associate degree, which takes time... I have a lot to think about. There are too few hours in the day. I don't have time to be thinking of dating Erik, even if I wanted to."
She did look a little frazzled. "I'm sorry you're under such stress, Jenna. I doubt I'd have any advice for you, but I'm always happy to listen."
"Thanks, Fi," she said. "I know you are. It's why I'm here." Then she grinned. "There is one thing you can do for me right now..." She lifted her glass, drained it, and held it out for a refill.
I poured her more and topped up my glass. "There's only one more glass left in the bottle, I think," I said. "Then we'll have to switch to beer."
"I don't want more than that," Jenna argued. "You'll think I'm a lush if I get drunk with you again. Besides, taking a ride alone after dark is risky enough. I'd prefer not to do it if I've had too much to drink."
"You could stay," I said, impulsively. "I can drive you to your place in the morning to change for work. I have an extra toothbrush."
"You mean share your bed?" Jenna asked, eyes narrowed.
"Well, yeah, I don't have a guest bed. I promise to behave. Or I could take the couch."
Jenna's lips twisted into a lop-sided grin. "Will you be sleeping nude?"
Shaking my head, I returned the grin. "I'll keep these on."
"Well, damn," she said, with a mock pout. "Probably for the best. Do you have something I could borrow to sleep in?" She glanced down at her tee shirt and jeans. "Or do you expect me to sleep nude?"
"I'd have to reconsider my promise to behave if you did, Jenna," I said. "I have a long shirt you can sleep in."
"Why not?" Jenna shrugged. "It would be nice to have the chance to relax and talk. I still don't want more than another glass, though." She took a sip of her wine. "Hey, call me Jen. Jenna sounds too formal for good friends, and you've always let me call you Fi."
"But everyone calls me Fi," I said. "And you can't pronounce Fiala anyway." I grinned. "Fee-ohla! Fee-yalla."
"Hush you," she said. "I can too pronounce Fiala when I'm sober."
"I'll try to remember to call you Jen when we're alone," I said. "I like the idea of having a private name for you."
I asked her to tell me more about the landscaping opportunity with Michael, her customer. I asked her if she was sure he didn't just have the hots for her. She said not; he really did use her ideas, and his wife worked in his company. She was sure he'd talked over hiring her with his wife.
That led to talking about Jenna's recent relationships. She admitted that she hadn't really felt close to a guy in a long time, and she was reevaluating older relationships, wondering if she'd ever had much of an emotional attachment. Even the one that had motivated Shelby to throw her a pity party after each breakup.
"I'm not sure that I really had feelings for him," she said. "But we'd been together for months. I thought I'd found someone I could make a relationship work with. But after Shelby's intervention I stopped feeling sorry for myself and realized I didn't miss him.?
Shockingly, she admitted - after finishing the rest of the wine - that while she liked the way having sex made her body feel, she could rarely come with a partner. She had a reliable vibrator that she could come home to, but found that without it an evening would often fall short.
I didn't offer any advice. She just wanted to vent. I was happy that she considered me enough of a friend that she could speak so openly. She might see Erik again, and she might not. She might not feel the need to avoid him next time. It was all her choice.
My long tee wasn't quite as long on Jenna as it was on me, but it wasn't indecent.
The light was on my side of the bed, so I waited until she was comfortable before turning it off.
We'd only been in darkness for a minute when she spoke. "Hey, Fi, can I ask you something?"
"'Course you can, Jen," I said, rolling onto my back. It felt good to use the familiar name.
"Do you have a type?"
"You mean, who am I attracted to?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"I don't think I'm different from anyone else, gay or straight," I said. "I'm not attracted to many, I think. I'm sure I don't lust after random girls any more than you lust after random dudes. If I have a type, it would be a woman I'm in tune with mentally. Ideas, conversation, someone I can joke with, trade insults with. It wouldn't hurt if she's cute, but the connection is the main thing."
All of which applied to Jenna more than any lesbian I knew. Unfortunately.
"So all those girls at the club, you're not attracted to most of them?"
"Ah," I said, then paused again. "There aren't many I'd want to date. I mean, not that I'd want to have a relationship with, as such. Uh. There may be a few more I would spend time with who I wouldn't say are my type."
"Girls you wouldn't kick out of bed?" she asked.
"Uh, yeah, I guess," I said. "Though, still, not so many, Which is why I have a reputation of being picky, or maybe stand-offish."
"I thought it was because you needed time to recharge," she said.
"Yeah, that, too," I said. "Might be why I seem to need more of a connection than the players do."
"Is Clare your type?" she asked. Was there a tinge of jealousy in her tone?
"I became friendly with Clare during one of my recharge phases," I said. "It wasn't long after I screwed things up with the girl I wanted to date. By the time I felt ready to hook up with someone, Clare and I were already close, and getting with her would have been weird. We're good together, but neither of us has any romantic feelings for the other."
"You sure?" she asked.
"Absolutely." We'd even talked about it. In an environment like Gabby's it was important to define any situation that departed from the unwritten rules of hookups. If one of us were to want something different from the other, it would lead to jealousy or hurt.
As I'd proven.
"Alright," Jenna said.
Within a few minutes I heard the regular soft breathing of a sleeping girl. Turning back onto my side, I tried to follow her into dreamland, but my feelings for the girl behind me weren't making that easy. My bed was full size - big enough for two, but not with much space to spare. I would only need to reach behind me to feel her skin, and very little clothing separated us. Of course she would - and could - slap me silly if I were to touch her, and it would fuck up a friendship that was becoming very important to me.
What would happen if she rolled against me in her sleep? Or if I, God forbid, rolled onto her? Would my sleeping self try to act on my attraction to her?
All I could do was focus on tamping down the arousal I felt at having her close, on not stroking my clit, which throbbed with the need to be touched, even if only by me. It was over an hour before exhaustion finally caught hold of me and dragged me down.
"I can't offer you breakfast," I said, when I brought Jenna coffee. She'd been very slow to awaken. Now she sat up in the bed, wiping sleep from her eyes, her blonde hair sticking out in random directions. She looked adorable. "At least, I can't offer you breakfast you'd find palatable, unless you're okay with rice, tofu, beans and the like. No bacon, eggs, milk, yogurt..."
"I get it," Jenna said. "If you're offering, I'll try some anyway, we have time, right? If I can take a shower here, I just need to be home by eight-thirty."
"Sure."
I'd woken up early, still uneasy about sleeping beside my straight girl-crush. Fortunately, none of the situations that I'd feared had transpired, so I'd quietly slipped out of bed, showered and changed in the bathroom before making coffee. There was plenty of time for me to make a quick breakfast stir fried rice with tofu, peanuts, fresh ginger, mushrooms and spices.
Jenna emerged from the shower wearing yesterday's clothes, with wet hair combed straight as I was serving the rice. She pronounced it "surprisingly good."
"Why vegan?" Jenna asked as she took another forkful, with apparent enjoyment.
I scowled. "I hate answering that question," I said. "Virtually every single time I've done so, the questioner used my answer to mock me and group me with vegan evangelical extremists. If I choose to keep a vegan kitchen, and to eat salads if there's no vegan menu option, how the fuck does it impact anyone else's life? I hope you'll be one of the few exceptions."
Jenna was clearly startled by my reaction. "I just want to know more about you, Fi," she said. "I promise not to do that to you."
"Yeah, okay. I'm sorry," I said. "You wouldn't, I know, but seriously, you'll be one of the few. I really don't have a problem with people eating meat. It's how we evolved as a species and a society. What I have a problem with is the corporate greed that promotes individual greed to eat so much meat that we're adding fuel to a burning planet. Clearcutting rainforests for cheaper beef herds. Poisoning the oceans with literal shit from chicken farms. I can't affect anything about the situation, but I can choose not to participate. So I do. As much as I can, anyway."
Jenna raised her eyebrows. "That doesn't sound like a belief that should be mocked," she said. Then she grinned. "Though I should have known it would be about evil corporations."
"Isn't it always?" I responded, returning her grin.
She helped me clean up the kitchen before I drove her home.
My office in the new bar had been completed just before the grand opening, but we hadn't had time to move my computer and books, so Shelby helped me move on Thursday, when the bar was closed. We had some teething troubles with the network, but soon I had my own private room with chair and desk. I have to say, I felt proud to have my own office, at twenty-two, only a few months out of college. I wasn't working for one of the Fortune 500s that most business grads drooled about, but that had never been my goal. And those grads who'd made it to one were probably working eighty-hour weeks in a cubicle. They were definitely not drinking craft beer in their private offices.
The beer had been Shelby's gift after we were finished. She drew us two glasses from the closed bar, presenting me with one. She sat in the chair facing my uncluttered desk, with the air of someone with something to say. I waited for what it could be. I'd been distracted since Jenna stayed over on Monday. I would think about how her eyes widened when I stretched, start wondering if there might be any reciprocal feelings on her part, then castigate myself for crushing on a straight girl. Maybe Shelby had picked up on my distraction. And as sharp as she was, maybe she'd figured out that its source was her "little sister."
When Shelby broached the topic she'd clearly intended as a focus, it was a relief that it had nothing to do with Jenna.
"Daniel and I have a new project," she said. "We're buying the restaurant and relocating it to this building."
That was exciting news. The synergy of the three businesses would be excellent. Rent overhead for the restaurant would be lower, or at least kept in-house. There would be better access for players to take a break to eat and return to either bar.
"We're talking to our attorneys about creating a company to keep the entertainment businesses separate from the real estate holdings," she said. "We could use the skills you've shown coordinating Axe for the venture as a whole. I'm thinking that after the bar has been running for a couple of months your main task would be event planning, so we hire a planner and move you to the new company as operations manager."
"Wow," I said. "That sounds like quite a challenge. Especially if you plan to keep expanding."
"We have some ideas," Shelby admitted. "We'd like you to be part of the process. You've shown real promise in organizing the bar. I feel like your abilities are much more than your current role will need once the teething troubles are over. The bar staffs and restaurant manager would be your teams and you'd grow with us. I know you want to work on an MBA. I'd like to suggest that you stay with the new company while you pursue it instead of going back to school full-time."
I didn't reply immediately. She wouldn't expect me to. I took several sips of the beer she'd brought me. Though I wasn't much of a beer drinker, I could see why the craft beer had been so popular.
"It isn't what I planned," I said, at last, "but I'd give it serious thought."
"That's all I'd ask at this point," she said. "But whatever you decide to do about the MBA, we could use your talents."
"You know how I feel about corporate culture," I said
"I do," Shelby agreed, with a grin, "and I don't want you to lose that edge. Think about it. We'll talk in a week or two." After I nodded numbly she said, "How's Chris?"
The subject change caught me off guard, and it took me a few moments to remember that Chris was Erik the Red.
"He's been a great help." I said. "He's given the coaches much more confidence and helped smooth over the start up. We should thank him and Aaron."
"Is he dating Jenna?"
I coughed, grabbing a tissue to prevent spitting beer back into the glass. When I was able to breathe normally, I said, "I don't think so. I think they went out once, but they didn't follow up."
"She's been very cagey," Shelby said. "I know you and she are friends. I wondered if she had a long-distance relationship in her future."
"I thought she told her big sister everything," I said, with a smirk.
"Just like real sisters, I think there are aspects of her life she'd share with a friend rather than family."
"If she wouldn't tell you, I'm not sure I should," I said, "but she hasn't told me of any plans to date Christian."
I hoped she'd tell me if she decided to. I didn't have any right to expect it. And I did wonder if maybe Jenna finding a boyfriend might make it easier for me to set aside my crush.
"I wondered about asking her if she'd take Chris to dinner before he leaves," Shelby said. "Paid, of course. As a thank you. If they were dating it would be ideal. If they're not, maybe Jenna would have to make it clear to him that it's only a gesture of appreciation. Or maybe you should go with them."
"That would be awkward, I think," I said, "since I know he has asked her out. Unless you want to find me a date too? Maybe I could take Clare," I said, then held my hands up as Shelby started to scowl. Clare was her niece. "Not as a date-date. Just as someone who's single and compatible. Since we're not dating, we could make up a foursome with no expectations on what Chris and Jenna are to each other."
Shelby nodded sharply. "Call her, then. Set it up for Saturday if she wants to do it and can get away. And Clare, of course. Chris is leaving Monday and will be expecting to work Saturday, but having him unavailable will be an opportunity to be certain that we can survive without him, and we'll have Sunday to ask him questions."
Jenna and I hadn't seen each other since Monday. I wanted to see her, but felt that it would be awkward without a reason. After some thought, I texted her the outline of Shelby's suggestion. She replied instantly.
Jenna: "I don't finish until 9 and I need a shower and food. Do you want to meet for a late dinner?"
Seeing her in public would be safer than inviting her over. Eating at the twenty-four-hour pancake restaurant wouldn't count as a date, though I insisted that I'd pay - and claim the meal as an expense. There would be hardly anything I could eat, but other options would be more expensive date-friendly establishments. I could get a fruit plate.
We ate while I explained Shelby's idea of a not-date. *You'd have to make clear to Erik that it's not a date, unless you want it to be," I said, wincing at my words. "That's why I'll be there with my own not-date. Then it works either way. Erik gets a good thank you send-off dinner and we all get a lavish meal at Shelby's expense. Though she's making arrangements. She might reserve a table for us at McDonald's."
Jenna grinned at that. "Have you checked with Clare? And are you sure she won't see it as a date?"
"I'm sure," I said. "And I didn't want to do that before you'd decided. Are you in?"
She shrugged. "Why not? I'll enjoy dinner at McDonald's."
I immediately texted Clare, who said she was definitely available to spend her aunt's money, so I added Jenna and Clare to a group chat for details. I'd leave it up to Jenna to invite Erik and make whatever arrangements she wanted with him.
The not-date date went ahead as planned. Shelby had made reservations for four at one of the trendier local restaurants. Not McDonald's. Then she'd handed her credit card to Jenna.
The restaurant didn't have a strict dress code. I wouldn't be tossed out for gothing up. So I went with full protective armor, as Jenna would have it: heavy eyeshadow, burgundy lip gloss. Black dress, of course. It hugged my curves, but what would be a stark square neckline over a strapless push-up bra was softened by a sheer mesh high-neck panel with mesh sleeves. The black hose I wore had a subtle branching line pattern. My hair was still purple, which might not have been acceptable in a stricter establishment. I couldn't do much about that, short of wearing a wig, until the dye washed out over the next couple of weeks.
Clare showed up in an emerald two piece dress, the top just short enough to leave two inches of smooth dark skin above the long mini skirt. Christian had had the foresight to bring a charcoal blazer, which he wore over a black open-neck shirt and black pants.
And then there was Jenna. If I'd been concerned that my neckline needed softening, Jenna's blue satin dress had a plunge neckline which would have made Kayla, my former crush, whose tops had seemed to become more revealing by the week, blush. Its straps were narrow, if not quite spaghetti-thin, the neckline dropping to a wide band below her ribs. It was floor length, with a low back. Even if I could avoid noticing the way the gap in the neckline revealed skin that quivered as she breathed, I couldn't help seeing the way the fabric crinkled where her strapless bra barely held her nipples in check.
One of the benefits of trendy was an extensive vegan selection, so for a change I had a wide choice of dishes. Conversation, after we'd introduced Christian to Clare, flowed well. Christian was friendly and intelligent, and I tried not to hate him for those moments when I noticed his eyes also dropping to Jenna's neckline.
I mentioned Shelby's bombshell suggestion of me taking a more corporate role, and how it was far removed from what I had been intending to do with my business degree. It was Christian who suggested that I try to balance my career opportunities with volunteer work at the non-profits I'd intended to pursue. I'd have more freedom to contribute in a voluntary role than I would full-time, and would be able to afford to work for a deserving organization that might not otherwise have the funding to hire a professional. It was a thoughtful insight and worth considering.
I argued that he was trying to make me accept that I was becoming what I didn't want to be, but it was a light-hearted joust, with no animosity. Particularly since, I admitted, before we dropped the topic, it might be the perfect fit for me.
If he ever felt the urge to move inland, Chris suggested, he'd be open to working for me. His eyes flicked toward Jenna, and I knew that if he considered moving to the area, she'd be part of his decision.
"But if you need help, try recruiting Kate,' he suggested. "I think she'd like to work under you."
His grin made the innuendo clear enough, but Jenna made it explicit. "I think she'd like to be under Fi," she said, "but I don't think work is what she would have in mind."
At that point I had to explain Kate to Clare, while Jenna and Chris began a spirited comparison of our hometowns, and all talk of work was left behind.
When Jenna had paid the bill, she brandished Shelby's credit card, saying, "Chris and I are going dancing on Shelby's dime," she said. "Do you two want to join us?"
I shared a glance with Clare before shaking my head. Clearly, we weren't going to crash their date. We remained at the table as they left.
"So. Did you find it?" Clare asked.
"Did I find what?" I countered in confusion.
"Whatever you'd lost down Jenna's dress," she said, with a sly smile. "I thought you were hunting the meaning of life in her cleavage."
"But that is the meaning of life," I said, feeling my face warm. "Mine, anyway. Was I that obvious?"
"I could tell you were trying hard not to be," she said. "That has to count for something."
"Jesus," I griped. "Does it even count as cleavage if it includes her navel? Please tell me I wasn't visibly drooling."
"Not quite," Clare admitted. "But if you're still on the hunt for boobage, we could be each other's wingwoman at the club."
"I wouldn't say no to dancing," I said. "As long as it isn't at the same place Jenna and Erik have gone."
"Unless they're into drag shows, I think we're safe," Clare stated.
"We don't have Shelby's credit card," I said. "Cover's on me."
The LGBT-friendly nightclub that Clare was referring to was more diverse than much of the town, even than Gabby's, and it wasn't strange that within twenty minutes of our arrival, we'd connected with a pair of Black girls on a similar mission to our own. Tanisha quickly paired up with Clare, while Cade seemed pleased to be partnered with me.
Cade's rose gold curls stood several inches out from their dusky roots, framing a dark golden face that glowed when she smiled, which was most of the time. She wore a short green off shoulder top with black capris that hugged her hips. She was my height, and her block heeled sandals matched my heels, making her delicately-shaded eyes perfectly level with mine.
This wasn't Gabby's, and the chance we'd be going home together was low, but that didn't stop us grinding and twerking on the dance floor, or hanging onto each other when we took a break from dancing to talk. We only had a couple of alcoholic drinks each. Our dance energy was fueled by sugary sodas.
When she and her friend were ready to leave, we exchanged numbers, and a kiss, which began sweet but was becoming seriously spicy when Tanisha dragged her away.
Clare and I shared a ride to her place, for me to continue on to mine. I asked if she'd remembered to get Tanisha's number. She smirked as she told me they'd arranged a date already.
In spite of being elated to have traded phone numbers with the exquisite Cade, I didn't sleep well, thinking about how Jenna's and Erik's date would have ended. The lack of text messages from her implied it hadn't been cut short like Monday's had. I imagined Erik taking her to his hotel room, Jenna's dress, that revealed more than it hid, revealing even more as it slid to the floor.
Inviting Jenna to stay the night on Monday had been monumentally stupid. It had ramped up both my attraction and my jealousy, which was as irrational as ever. Even if she hadn't been straight, she still wouldn't be mine to claim, any more than Kayla had been.
When my phone buzzed in the morning, I almost let it bounce to voicemail. If it's a company or unknown I always do. If it looks like an individual name I usually pick up, but not always, and the name Cadence was unfamiliar. When I made the connection, Cadence to Cade, I swiped the phone and caught the call before the switch.
I didn't think she'd call. But since there was a chance, I'd considered what I'd do if she did. After we'd talked for a couple of minutes, I asked her if she'd like to meet for coffee. My treat. I wanted to talk in person.
So on Sunday afternoon I was buying Cade a latte, and myself a plain drip. It probably had a theme name too, but all I cared about was that it was black coffee with no added dairy.
Even in a sweater and jeans, Cade was gorgeous. Her hair was a little more relaxed, her face bare of makeup, and she wore glasses with narrow dark frames, but the sweater didn't hide her curves, and the glasses gave her a sophisticated look. Her face was more angular than I recalled, which might have been due to the stark daylight as we sat by the cafe windows.
"I could wish your friend hadn't been so eager to get you to leave," I said.
"I know, right?" Cade returned. "We had words about that. That kiss was going places."
"Yeah, another five minutes wouldn't have hurt," I said.
Cade raised her eyebrows. "I was thinking twenty-five to thirty."
Laughing, I agreed. "Yeah, even better." Then I sobered up. "Thing is, though, there's a problem. It's why I didn't text you."
"You have a girlfriend," Cade stated, her face also turning serious.
Shaking my head, I said, "Not that. I've been single for... well, a long time, now." Not counting hookups, a couple of years, in fact. "It's just... I'm hung up on a straight girl."
"Oh, God," said Cade. "Do I know how that goes. If she's queer, at least you can follow through and get slapped down."
"Right?" I said. "But since she's not, if I say anything I'll fuck up a friendship? Sounds like you're familiar with the problem. I'm trying to get past it, but I've been trying for weeks. It wouldn't be fair to ask you on a date if my attention's going to be on her."
"Thanks for the warning," Cade said. "But, you know, I'm not looking for a proposal. Maybe we could go out a couple of times and see how things progress. Maybe I can help you get over her. If we decide we want to spend more time together, we could revisit your crush then." Her lips curled into a wicked grin. "I'm pretty sure she wasn't on your mind when we were kissing on Friday."
"That's very true," I said, returning her smile. "I just worry that it might be like a rebound, when you can't get your ex out of your head. Except she isn't even my ex."
"I'm willing to take the risk if you are," Cade said. "At least for the short term."
"So... okay," I said. "Maybe a low-key option for a date? Any ideas?"
"Yeah!" Cade beamed. "There's a new place I've wanted to try. Have you ever thought about axe-throwing?"
I folded my hands on the table and buried my face in them dramatically.
"Not to your liking?" Cade asked.
Shaking my head in my hands, I said, "That's not it. Yeah, it's fun. But I guarantee we wouldn't go thirty minutes before someone needed help." I peeked up at her from beneath my fingers. "I'm the manager there."
"No shit?" Cade laughed.
"No shit," I agreed. "I'm taking my lunch break from there now. Come back with me. I'll show you around." I sat up. "But we need a different option. Thursday's my day off. Movie maybe? After you're off work?"
"Anytime after eight," Cade suggested, "though I'm not sure what there will be to see. We're in the overlap between October slasher movies and December Christmas ones."
We agreed to postpone the choice of movie until we'd had a chance to review options. We sipped our coffees. Care told me she loved my purple hair, and was disappointed to learn that I was waiting for it to fade. After asking permission, I snapped a photo of her. She took mine, and we texted them to each other.
Though Sunday was a busy day at both Firebird and Axe, other businesses were closed, so there was plenty of room for both of us to park. Inside the bar, I introduced Cade as a friend. Christian immediately offered to mentor her, which gave me a minute to catch up with a couple of issues - a party was running late and wanted to extend their reservation, requiring moving another group to a different pair of lanes. And a bridal party had enquired if we could take a reservation for a Thursday evening. We were closed on Thursdays, of course, but maybe we could open for a large private party that would take the whole bar. I promised to get an answer to them after I'd had chance to talk to Shelby and check our insurance coverage.
Then I returned to Cade's lesson. Chris was less hands-on with her than he had been with Jenna. He praised her quick skill development.
"Chris is leaving tomorrow," I said to Cade. "He's really helped us have a successful opening week."
"This really would be a great place to bring a date," she said.
"Unless it's the place your date works," I said.
Chris grinned. "So drive over to our place," he said. "You could bring Jenna."
Monday was my chance to recover from the weekend. Late evenings were tiring me out. I could survive a while longer, but switching to office hours should soon be an option.
Chris's presence had been a huge benefit. He was a good guy. He'd be on his way home, and I hated that I felt relieved that I wouldn't have to think of him being around Jenna. Maybe Cade could help me overcome my infatuation, and I could stop resenting anyone who caught Jenna's attention.
But I couldn't help feeling a warm thrill when I saw that I had a text from her around noon.
Jenna: "Hey you. I feel like we haven't talked in weeks."
Jenna: "Can I bring takeout and wine when I get off work?"
Me: "What did I do to earn a free meal?'
Jenna: "Arranged Friday dinner. I'll drop Shelby's card with you, too."
Jenna: "Should I get an Uber or will you let me sleep on your couch?"
Me: "You're not planning to get wasted again, are you?"
Jenna: "As if. No, but I'll be tired and won't want to drive after wine. You have Netflix?"
Me: "Yeah. And couch fine. Or share like last time. Couch is small and you behaved yourself."
Jenna: "..."
Me: "?"
Jenna: "..."
Me: "What am I missing?"
Jenna: "I'm waiting for the missing word."
Me: "?"
Jenna: "... unfortunately."
Me: "Ohyeah. You behaved yourself. Unfortunately."
Jenna: "See, I knew U could do it. Will bring overnites."
Me: "Would you prefer for me to cook? I'm home all day and vegan takeout is hard to find."
Jenna: "Shit I forgot. Are there any?"
I gave her the names of a couple of places that had vegan options. They were pricier than normal fast food, but she turned down my offer to split the cost.
My day was looking up. Though I also felt guilty. Only the previous day I'd spent a couple of hours with Cade, thinking that maybe, as I got to know her, she'd supplant Jenna in my affections. And all it took was a quick text exchange for the opposite to happen. Jenna was coming to see me. Jenna would be spending the night - if chastely. I was in an uncomfortable place entirely of my own making.
I apologized again to Jenna when she arrived for forcing her to spend extra for food. My dietary choices were my business and shouldn't impose cost or inconvenience on others.
Jenna brushed off my apology. "I'm using the opportunity to try a vegetarian burger," she said. "I've never had one."
She admitted after she'd finished her meal that she preferred real cow, but that the burger had been pretty close to the real thing. Though the curry I'd let her try would be her choice if she bought food from the place again.
"So, what are we watching?" she asked. She'd poured us a second glass of wine after the meal.
"I thought you must have something in mind on Netflix," I said.
Jenna shook her head. "I don't have a sub. I thought we'd find something light."
We were sitting on the couch, a careful few inches apart. I took the TV control and selected the Netflix app. As soon as the menu appeared, Jenna reached out and plucked the controller from my hand.
"If you don't have a sub, how do you know how to use the app?" I asked.
"I don't," Jenna retorted. "But I'm sure there's a ... yes, there it is! Recommended for you. Now I can learn what steamy sex movies you watch."
"Knock yourself out," I chuckled. "Maybe you can recommend some, instead."
While Jenna was focused on the TV, I took the opportunity to study her. Covertly. Well, I hoped it was covertly. Clare hadn't missed my not-so-covert glances at her at the restaurant.
If she was wearing any makeup it was understated. She'd showered before she came over - probably essential when your work includes carrying bags of manure - and a faint but pleasing scent of citrus surrounded her. Her short hair was combed down, at an even height above her shoulders, straight bangs keeping her face clear. It was a very stark style, probably chosen to make her working life easier. She carried it well, though I wondered how she'd look with long hair.
She wore a white tee, her bra a bright enough red to show through faintly. Red straps were visible at the edge of the neck, which was disappointingly high. Her jeans hugged her thighs. Nylon socks, or maybe hose, covered her feet. She'd left her shoes at the door.
"It looks like your recommendations are mostly cartoons," she said. "I was expecting lesbian romances."
"Yeah, those don't exist," I said. "Hardly, anyway. The 'dead lesbian' trope is alive and well. Unpleasant outcomes to empathize with the stresses of gay life, which I guess is better than unpleasant outcomes to punish the gays, but the result is, lesbians rarely get happy endings."
"Well, that sucks," Jenna stated.
"It's not completely bleak. There's probably a lesbian romcom or two currently available," I said. "If I've watched them, they've scrolled off my recommended list because of all the anime that's been released lately.
Jenna pointed at the screen. "Those? Is that what you'd like to watch?"
"Most of them are series. They're too long to watch tonight, and an episode out of context wouldn't be much fun. There's one movie that was released last month that I want to watch, but I don't think it would interest you."
"It would," she said. "If it's something you like, then it's a chance to learn about you." She handed the control back to me.
"Okay," I said, as I searched for the movie - "Her Blue Sky" - "but why?"
"Because you're the most interesting person I know," Jenna said, candidly. "I want to know more about you."
My stomach lurched at her words. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"What I said," Jenna replied. "I like being around you. I want to say you're different, but if that isn't rude it's condescending, and I like that you're different. You make me think. You don't take any shit, and you don't hold back, whatever other people think."
Turning my attention back to the TV, I found the movie.
"Oh, shit, it may only be subtitled. I'll have to check if there's English audio."
Jenna shook her head. "However you would watch it," she said. "Please."
Shrugging, I started the movie and ensured subtitles were enabled.
After a moment, I said, "I care a lot about what people think. I might try not to let it show, but I do."
I set the control down, then picked up my wine. A moment later, I felt a hand sneak into mine. Jenna had transferred her glass to her other hand. "But you don't back down because of it," she said. "You're out. You challenge Shelby. I think she respects you because you don't meekly do what you're told."
Jenna's hand squeezed mine tightly, then released it. I felt the loss acutely. I was thrilled that she found me interesting, but it wasn't what I really wanted from her. I got up and turned a few lights off for more comfortable TV viewing, then sat and picked up my wine glass.
Watching with subtitles allowed us to talk more easily without missing key conversations. I wasn't sure Jenna was enjoying the anime as much as the steamy movies she was looking for in my recommendations, but she commented about the plot from time to time.
"Why were you wanting to see this movie in particular?" she asked.
"There was a manga a few years ago," I said. "I read it in a terrible translation. I knew that something interesting was happening, but I didn't really know what. I've been hoping they'd issue the manga in English. Instead, they turned it into an anime."
"And you like to watch cartoons," Jenna commented.
I turned to glare at her, but there was a twinkle in her eye, and I knew she was ribbing me. "To be fair," I said, "some of the cartoons in my list aren't anime. There's a series I'm enjoying called Arcane. It's animated like an anime, but it isn't Japanese."
"If it's good, you can invite me back to watch it," Jenna pronounced, then poured us more wine.
A few minutes later, she said, "I guess I always knew that they drive on the left in Japan. Seeing the cars on the left side of the road keeps making me feel the show's setting up some kind of auto disaster, but it's just normal life."
Toward the end of the movie, there was an emotional scene with tears. Jenna made a snarky comment about not missing the metaphor when the rains fell, but her expression was wistful when there were more tears during the rainstorm.
When the movie was over, Jenna thanked me for letting her watch it with me. We finished our wine, then headed to bed. I was a little light-headed, and I was glad that Jenna had asked to stay rather than catch a ride or drink less, but neither of us was more than a little tipsy.
Jenna had brought a small bag with sleepwear and essentials. She headed to the bathroom while I changed into my pajamas. She returned in a long sleep shirt, carrying a small stack of clothing. Eyeing my pajamas, she said, "So, no nude sleeping again?"
I snickered as she set the clothes on her chair, the bright red bra on top. "I'm waiting for the missing word."
It took a moment before she chuckled. "Unfortunately?"
She was lying under the covers looking at the ceiling when I slipped into bed on my side. "G'night, Jen," I said, reaching to turn the light off.
I was beginning to drift off to sleep when I heard her voice.
"Chris said you brought a girl to the bar."
"You talked to him today?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said. "Are you jealous?"
"Are you?" I shot back.
We were silent again for a minute. Then I rolled onto my back. "Did you enjoy your date after the meal?" I asked.
"I did," she said, softly. "It helped me see more clearly." A moment later, she added, "I didn't sleep with him. He rode with me to my place, then I kissed him goodnight and sent him to his hotel."
After another long silence, I said, "It's none of my business, but I want to ask, didn't he want to come in?"
"Yeah," she said. "I didn't let him."
When neither of us spoke for several minutes, I rolled back onto my side. I was almost asleep when Jenna spoke again. I barely registered the words, and had no idea what they meant. I couldn't even be certain I hadn't dreamed them.
"You know, I kinda think I am."
At around three in the morning, I awoke with a warm pressure against my back. A breeze tickled my neck. I drifted awake slowly, only then realizing that the breeze was a person breathing, her lips almost touching my shoulders. Jenna was spooned against me, one arm draped over my waist, her chest soft against my back.
I froze. I didn't know if I should wake her up, embarrassing both of us, or if I would ever be able to tamp down my desire for her long enough to get back to sleep.
Eventually, I must have succeeded. It was early morning when I next awoke. Jenna was snoring softly, on her back on the other side of the bed. I crept out of bed to brew us coffee.
Returning from the bright kitchen, the bedroom was so dark that I could barely see. I turned on the lamp on my nightstand, setting my coffee down before taking the other cup to the girl who was still sound asleep on the other side of the bed.
In spite of our relatively early turn-in time, she wasn't easy to wake without touching her. I coaxed her for several minutes before she stirred. I helped get pillows behind her as she tried to sit. When she stretched, pulling the sleep shirt tight, I thought I'd dissolve in a puddle of my own arousal. Then she smiled up at me, which made other delicious feelings swirl through me.
When she finally relaxed against the pillows, I managed to get her fingers around the coffee cup. Back on my side of the bed I pulled my own pillows into shape and slipped back under the covers to sit against them, recovering my own coffee.
"You're not the easiest person in the world to wake," I said. "Next time I'm going for the wet washcloth."
"Next time?" Jenna teased, though her eyes still seemed unfocused with sleep. "So you like sharing your bed with me?"
"That's a leading question if I've ever heard one," I grumbled. Jenna was watching me curiously. I drew my knees up, resting the hand holding my coffee on them. "You said you wanted to watch Arcane with me," I continued. "I guess it would be okay if you drive back home. We can skip the wine. I was thinking, though, if you did want to stay over, I'd be okay with you leaving milk and eggs in my fridge. I could make you an omelette. I'd draw the line at bacon."
"You'd keep a non-vegan kitchen for my comfort?" she asked.
"I told you, I don't want to impose my restrictions on anyone else. I won't touch dairy products, but if you're going to eat eggs, there's no rational reason to force you to go home to do it."
Jenna was still watching me, and as I took a sip of my coffee, her eyes seemed to widen. But if she liked watching me in my pajamas, who was I to object??
After a moment, she looked away. "I don't think your girlfriend would like me having regular sleepovers," she said.
"I wouldn't call her my girlfriend yet," I said. But she was right. The idea of having Jenna spending the night beside me was crippling my ability to think rationally. "But yeah, it's a possibility. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy with you using me as a body pillow."
"Oh my god, did I do that?" Jenna turned red.
"Uh, yeah," I said. "So maybe that can't happen again if you stay over."
"Right," Jenna said, with a sigh. "So, how did you meet her? Chris says she's hot."
"Clare and I went dancing while you were giving Erik a night on the town," I said. "Clare's with her friend. And yeah, he's right, she is. We're going to see a movie on Thursday. I guess I'll know then whether we'll be seeing more of each other."
"If she hurts you, I'll beat her ass," Jenna said. "That's what friends do, right?"
After taking a shower, Jenna left, planning to pick up a breakfast burrito before stopping by her place. After she'd left, I spent another half hour in bed before showering, trying to decide how badly I was screwed.
Cade's observations about the movie selection between Halloween and Christmas were correct. The choices weren't great. She and I traded several messages over the next few days, finally deciding that our choices were the latest Venom movie, which didn't seem like a great option since I hadn't seen the earlier movies, and Elevation, a post-apocalyptic thriller. The subject matter didn't appeal to Cade, but featuring Anthony Mackie and Morena Baccarin appealed to both of us, so in the end we agreed on that.
If anything, Cade was even hotter than I recalled. Her grin and sparkling eyes gave me a charge whenever she focused them on me, which was most of the time. I could seriously see myself being with her for the long term.
Except that I couldn't stop myself thinking about Jenna. About waking up to feel her body against mine. About her confession that she found me interesting. It was even harder to push her out of my mind than it had been. This was totally the wrong time for me to meet Cade.
We shared popcorn. Cade leaned over to whisper snarky comments several times. I managed to keep my snickering quiet. There was a plot point she found particularly unconvincing. I agreed, but said it would probably be explained later. It was addressed, but not explained, leaving us both annoyed.
After the movie I took Cade to a wine bar.
"We probably should have stayed at your axe bar," she said.
"It wasn't great, was it?" I agreed. "Just a bad time for movies."
She looked at me, the merriment in her eyes diminished.
"This isn't working for you, is it?" she asked.
I wanted to say yes. Instead, I shook my head. "I really like you," I said. "I could see it working between us. Maybe in a month or two. Or five or six. You deserve all of my attention."
"Your straight friend again?" she asked.
"I wish I could tell her tell her 'stay out of my life until I get over my crush'." I sighed. "But I don't want to lose her as a friend. I can't even tell her I have a crush on her. I mean, she knows I'm attracted to her, but I don't think she'd understand how bad it is."
"Straight girls, right?" Cade said.
"You're awesome, you know?" I said. "You deserve someone who isn't broken."
"You're not broken," she said, "just on pause. Maybe you should make a move on her. If she rejects you, it would be easier to get over her. If not, well, maybe you can have something anyway."
"But maybe I lose my friend," I said.
"Yeah, it's a risk. If you figure it out, give me a call," she said. "You know, I wasn't looking for anything long-term. I thought we might be worth trying. I'd totally take you home for the night, before we end things, but I think you'd feel guilty when you saw her."
"You're right," I replied. "And I don't really want a one-night stand. If it's someone I don't care about it can be a rush. But if it's a girl I could have feelings for, it would feel empty."
"I can see that," Cade replied. "I guess it makes me happy that you think I'm someone you could have feelings for, and I'm disappointed that I never got naked with you, but we're good, right?"
In a doorway outside the wine bar we proved that we were still good with a kiss that left us breathless and had me reconsidering my feelings about a final one-night stand, but we succeeded in prying our bodies apart and heading home separately.
Friday found me feeling relieved. The guilt I'd felt about stringing Cade along was gone. It had helped that she'd been so understanding.
Jenna texted me halfway through the day, probably on one of her breaks.
Jenna: "How did the date go?"
Me: "We broke up."
Jenna: "??? Shit. Want me to ask Shelby to organize her signature breakup event?"
Me: "Nah, we're good. We were on the same page."
Jenna: "Private breakup party then? Sunday evening, your place? Show me more of your cartoons."
Me: "Okay, but if you're not going home bring eggs + milk. Cheese is good, too."
Jenna: "Cheese is awesome."
Me: "I mean I don't mind keeping it in the fridge."
Jenna: "I know and I will."
The purple was mostly faded now. I'd passed on reapplying my armor, other than darkening my lips a little, after taking a shower. I wore a black lace-front crop top, not very different from the one that had fascinated Jenna, though in lightweight fabric rather than fake leather, a short layered black skirt and house shoes.
The ground was wet when Jenna arrived. I hadn't been outside, but the grey day looked chilly. Confirming that point, she was dressed warmly, but after setting down her grocery bag and removing her coat, she tugged off her boots, then slipped out of her heavy sweater, leaving a low pastel pink top and flared pants.
Taking her coat, I grinned at her. "Are you trying to be my opposite?"
"What do you mean?"
Hanging her coat in the closet, I turned back to her. "You're the light angel, like Good Omens. I'm the dark demon. I'm supposed to be dark and brooding and you show up as a joyful hippie in bell bottoms."
"They're not bell bottoms!" Jenna retorted. "Not really..."
She picked up the grocery bag and transferred butter, milk, eggs and cheese to my fridge. She'd decided to stay, and I was glad.
The table would accommodate four at a pinch, but for two of us it was comfortable. "What do you want to watch?" I asked, as I set the food onto plates. "Arcane might not be to your liking, but it's in English. If you want to see an anime, there's a thirteen episode one that I really love, that's short enough to binge watch without too much pain. I thought that would be good to start with."
She watched as I served dinner, clearly a little hesitant as she picked up the fork, but determined to try the food before complaining. I noticed her eyes tracking to the gap in my shirt, as they'd done at the faire. Good, it was gratifying to know that the straight girl still found the view unsettling. "I think the English one," she said. "What's the other called?"
"Orange," I replied.
"We can do that one another day." She gave me an uncertain look. "If you don't have a girlfriend, then at least no one will object to me coming over? Can I say that's a silver lining?""
"You can," I agreed. I wouldn't tell her she had the effect and cause reversed, that Cade and I had ended our relationship before it started partly because I wanted her to be free to visit.
"Also, this meal is good."
I laughed. "Jesus, don't sound so surprised."
"No, I mean it's really good. I knew I wouldn't hate it, but I didn't expect to like it so much. What is it?"
"Seitan bulgogi. It's basically Korean barbecue with homemade seitan." She was still frowning. "Seitan is wheat gluten. It's easy to make. I freeze it and use it in recipes." I gestured at her plate. "This meal takes less time to cook than it would with meat."
"I think it's better than anything I'd make," she said. "Thanks."
"You don't cook?"
Jenna shook her head. "Not beyond basics. I eat out too much. If I didn't get such a workout every day I'd be a blimp."
"I think your shape is perfect," I said, feeling my face warm as I did. "But speaking of becoming blimps, are we going to veg out in front of the TV and consume alcohol?"
"We are," she agreed. "Drinking wine and watching cartoons."
I rolled my eyes. "Since this isn't technically an anime, I can't really complain. But you could just call it a show."
"Right," she said, with a grin. "A cartoon show."
Even though the series was in English, I played it with subtitles. They'd helped us communicate during the movie. Somehow the space between us on the couch seemed smaller, though I was sure we were both sitting in the same place that we had been.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jenna asked, about halfway through the episode.
"About the show?" I asked, frowning.
"No," she said, pausing to stay current with the dialog on the screen. "About your almost-girlfriend."
"Oh," I said. "Not really? There's nothing to say. We didn't break up, really, we just didn't start anything. We had too much getting in the way." No sense in saying I was the one who had something in the way, and she was sitting beside me. "In another time, things might have worked out. She's a really nice girl."
"And hot," Jenna said.
Picking up my phone without replying, I scrolled to the photo I'd taken, handing it to Jenna.
"Oh, yeah," she said. "She's beautiful."
Taking my phone back, I said, "I'd say I'm a little disappointed, but not hurt," I said, then I chuckled. "And we could have found a better movie to watch. I'm not going to have any great memories of our one and only date."
"So I don't need to warn you about dating on the rebound, like Shelby always does?"
I shook my head. "Not going to be a problem." I would have the same problem with anyone. There wouldn't be a rebound girl.
The episode ended. Jenna expressed guarded interest in continuing the story. I let it play on.
"We haven't really talked about Erik since your date," I said, "beyond he wanted more and you sent him packing. You don't seem heartbroken."
"Do I ever?" Jenna countered. "But we were never dating, and I didn't want more. We were never going to be anything, unlike you and your hot girl."
"You weren't interested in a one night stand, at least?" I asked.
"I guess I just don't like having sex with a guy enough to deal with the hassle," she said. "I don't hate it, y'know? If I'm in a relationship, I'll do it to make him happy, but if I'm not, why go to all the trouble and take all the risks?"
"I confess that I'm glad that I'll never risk pregnancy," I said. "We have to be mindful of disease, of course, but the costs of breaking condoms or a one percent pill failure would terrify me."
"And the risk of the guy deciding it means something more and stalking you when you disagree," Jenna commented.
"Uh, we have that, too," I said, feeling my face warm. "Except I was the stalker. I've learned from my mistake, though. It only happened once."
"I don't think that's quite the same, Fi," she said, with a grin. "And your victim was never in any danger. But I've lost the thread of the show. Can you back it up a couple of minutes so I can catch up?"
When we talked she glanced between me and the TV, staying abreast of the subtitles and the conversation. When her eyes turned to me they continued occasionally to flick down to my top.
"Did you bring your shirt for sleeping?" I asked, at the end of the fourth episode. We'd finished the bottle of wine at this point, and it was late.
"I did. Are you going to sleep in the n..."
"No," I interrupted, with a smirk. "You're really fixated on my habit of sleeping naked."
"I'm a guest," she said. "I don't like to disrupt your normal behavior."
"Mmm. I'm sure that's the reason," I said.
"I think I'm going to change. When we get too tired I can go straight to bed."
"I'll do the same," I said. "I'll bring a blanket and we can be cozy."
I changed quickly in the bedroom while Jenna was in the bathroom. I handed her a blanket when she was done, then brushed my teeth. When I returned to the living room, she had the blanket over her legs, folded back ready for me to take my half.
"I would offer you a cup of hot milk," she said, as I sat beside her. There was no gap between us now, our arms touched as we wrapped the blanket around us.
"I don't mind if you want to get yourself some," I said.
Jenna shook her head. "I'll survive. I'd only fall asleep anyway." She reached out to run a finger down my sleeve, though I saw her eyes flick over my pajama top. "I really like those pajamas. I should find some for myself. Do they come in other colors?"
"I don't even remember where I got them," I said. "Maybe the pajamas are the reason you like to use me as a body pillow."
"I'll try not to do that again," she said. "At least I won't be contending with a jealous girlfriend if I do."
We managed two more episodes before we called it a night. This time, I was the one to interrupt getting to sleep. "Oh, hey, what time do you have to be up tomorrow?"
"Ah, right." Jenna's voice was drowsy. "I forgot to tell you, I traded days to take tomorrow off. I can stay longer. I wanted the chance to talk."
Again, I drifted awake to find Jenna wrapped around me. Her hand was on my side, her chest against my back, and her legs against the back of my thighs. It didn't bother me so much this time. I didn't desire her less, but without the ambiguity of trying to avoid fucking up my not-yet-a relationship with Cade, I decided not to resist the invasion of my space.
Taking her hand, I gently eased her arm forward, wrapped mine around it, then snuggled back against her. If she woke before rolling away from me, she might be more embarrassed about how close she'd gotten than she would have otherwise, but that wasn't my problem.
Enfolded in warmth, I drifted back to sleep.